Help! My daughter keeps hitting her classmates
AUG 16, 2004Help! My daughter keeps hitting her classmates
MY FIVE-year-old daughter has a habit of hitting her classmates. Her teachers have called us to complain several times about this.
Initially, my wife and I scolded her, but when we realised this was not working, we tried to explain to her why she should not be acting in such a way. Despite our efforts, she still continues to hit her classmates.
What we have noticed from watching her behaviour at home is she does not like to be disturbed when she is doing work or playing. If anyone disrupts her concentration, she reacts violently.
How can I help her control her anger?- Mr Jerry Koh via fax
I WOULD like to commend you for being brave enough to highlight your child's unacceptable behaviour. Too many parents nowadays leave their children to do what they like even though the youngsters' behaviour is unacceptable.
You have taken the first step to changing your child's 'bad behaviour' by accepting it is a problem and wanting to find a solution for it.
Research has shown a child who acts aggressively or is inconsiderate to others at an early age behaves worse when he is older. So it is important you help her change her behaviour as soon as possible.
From what you have said, it seems her violent reaction has become a habit.
She was probably not reprimanded in the correct way the first time she pushed or hit a classmate and so she now feels she has the right to be angry or violent towards others.
To help her understand it is wrong to hit others, show displeasure by either looking upset or through the tone of your voice. Do remember though, there is no need to shout or be aggressive. If you do, your child may mimic your reactions when she is angry.
Once she has realised what she has done is wrong, explain to her how she should behave when someone interrupts what she is doing.
Tell her how she can ask someone to move in a nice way, and remind her to share her toys.
Go through with her what she can say, asking her to repeat it after you.
Also, tell her the consequences if she hits another child again.
Do not threaten her with the cane. Instead, tell her it may mean having none of her favourite toys for a day or having to sit quietly in a corner for some time.
To ensure she fully understands why it is important to change her behaviour, spend time talking to her about what good behaviour is in general.
Lay the ground rules of what is expected of her at home and in school.
Do not nag or give her a long-drawn-out speech. Children can understand very quickly how they should behave, provided they are given a clear indication of what they have to do and learn.
I have also found a caring and assuring parent is more effective in disciplining a child than an angry parent.
It is important to work closely with her teachers and explain to them what you are doing at home, so they can help reinforce some of these things in school.
It may be frustrating to have to tell your child over and over again how she should behave, but it is important to continually reinforce such values.
Teaching young children good values may take a lot of time and patience, but in the years to come, you will see it was worth the effort.
- Mrs Patricia Koh has a master's degree in child development from the University of London and spent 10 years with the then Institute of Education. She started her own pre-school, Pat's Schoolhouse, in 1988. She spoke to MARIA ALMENOAR
Copyright @ 2004 Singapore Press Holdings. All rights reserved.
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